“…And Saint Squidly1 raised her hands up on high, saying, ‘O Lord, bless this Thy Segway, that with it Thou mayest keep all riders (especially Ethan) happy and safe whilst on it, because of Thy mercy.’ And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu…”

[At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to "skip a bit, brother"]…

“And the Lord spake, saying, ‘First shalt thou check thine shoes for untied laces – For the Lord doth hate untied laces… Then shalt thou mount the Holy Segway and count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then shalt thou turn Mine most sanctified key; and then thou mayest run down thy foe, who being naughty in My sight shall thereby snuff it.’ Amen.”

(Shamelessly ripped off from the awesome Monty Python Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch skit)